Bismillah.
My husband and I are what many would call a perfect match.
Alhamdulillāh — and may Allāh protect us from harm and the evil eye.
But let me be real with you: it’s not all butterflies and rainbows, nor is it just a matter of “luck.”
Yes, we are blessed.
But the truth is, we’ve put an incredible amount of intentional effort into our own character development and into nurturing our marriage.
When we first met, we didn’t waste time.
We both knew exactly what we wanted, expressed it without fear, and were grateful to find that our goals and expectations were aligned.
Interestingly, we had both wanted to marry someone else before.
Alhamdulillāh, that didn’t work out — and looking back, I praise Allāh, it really was for the best.
Through those experiences, we learned firsthand how it feels when there’s NO real congruency in values and life goals.
So when we finally met each other, our conversations were deep and purposeful.
We spent our time asking meaningful questions, discussing what truly mattered, and quickly realized that there was so much potential between us.
Here’s something important:
You don’t need to agree on every tiny detail in life. But the foundation — your values, priorities, and vision — needs to be clear and congruent.
And figuring that out takes a bit of Sherlock-work.
A lil bit of investigating.
For me, this process started long before marriage.
I had already spent years reflecting on what truly matters to me, what I wanted in my life and marriage, and what questions would reveal whether someone was truly compatible with me.
So to make this easier for you, I’ve put together 99 questions to ask your potential spouse.
Work through them thoughtfully. Go through them by yourself beforehand, just to get to know yourself better.
Some of those quetions dig deep and are very reflection-motivating.
Take your time with each one.
I recommend not rushing — maybe 4–7 questions at a time — so you have the space to really discuss, reflect, and explore each answer together.
Marriage is no small decision, and it shouldn’t be rushed.
These questions aren’t just easy conversation starters; they’re designed to reveal underlying character.
Most are open-ended, leaving room for real, meaningful discussion.
Of course there is no guarantee that they’ll be answered honestly.
That’s why many questions are an invitation to tell stories, so you can observe how the other person sees themselves, others and their behavior, without creating a “too serious” vibe.
Telling stories creates trust and makes conversations less interrogation-like.
And a little tip: don’t be discouraged if you discover you’re not a match, or if red flags show up.
You can’t and won’t match with everyone and that’s a GOOD thing.
You’re special and not meant to fit with everyone.
Still, it is valuable experience you can use.
(By the way, not having an answer to deeper questions can be a red flag too (in my personal opinion it is, but it depends on the person) — it often means someone hasn’t spent much time reflecting on themselves or their values.
Of course we can’t have answers to everything and we can change opinions by viewing new perspectives, but if not having any opinion or thought process about an important topic becomes a pattern…usually not a good sign.)
Finding the right spouse can be a process of trial and error.
Some people may feel like a time-waste.
Some may be okay, but not quite it.
And then — bi’idhnillāh — you’ll come across someone who is truly an amazing candidate with real potential.
These questions are simply here to help you figure out which category the person in front of you falls into.
Thank you for reading, may Allāh bless your efforts and your future bond.
السلام عليكم
Sara
And now:
Access the questions HERE ⬇️
Or as a PDF-download:
